a little thank you..

As many of you know I am outgoing enough to hold my own and often liked to be the center of attention.. who me??  But in the past few years that all took a back seat to finding myself and really what I wanted out of life and who I wanted to share that life with.. hard times lead me to see so many negative (and positive)  things in myself, my partner and the company we kept.  From my eating disorder (yes, i said it.. that is what it is..notice I did not say was, since it never really goes away, right? ) to shady people in my life, always being sick and finally finding out I am celiac.. going thru all of that made me who I am today and it really showed me WHO our real friends were and WHAT i wanted in a friendship.. I am blessed to have great friends whom I have not only grown up with, but 3 amazing women who have been my rocks for the last 3 yrs. I could never begin to say Thank you to them and can never imagine my life without them. We may be 3000 plus miles there is never a week, sometimes day I do not hear from them. Having to leave them was the hardest thing for me and I felt like I would never be able to find such wonderful, trusting, no judgement, honest friends like them again.. I think I was so for sure that their was no one out there like them that I was not open to finding new amazing friends. Kinda like when you break up with that amazing boyfriend and you think your life is over and you do nothing but cry and not eat for days because how could you possible go on? ... please tell me that you all get that and it was not just me.. HAHA. I came here open but yet very guarded and rightfully so, that is took me a little while to not only be open to new relationships, but to trust that they liked me for me, just the way that I was.. While being "friendless" not really but not having close friends I found myself buried in my kids and really getting to know them on a different level, but yet I was so not satisfied. I was sad, lonely and missing that connection.. I longed for my never ending, hours long phone calls with Amanda just to feel human.. (thank god it never goes longer than a 2 weeks with some texts in between cause I would die.. ) Then I realized I just needed to be open to people.. I have become a good judge of character and really know what I am looking for.. I sound like I am online dating for friends, right? When in all reality I was hanging out at the gym trying new things and BAM.. I met the 2 most amazing women and I count my blessings everyday. They are real, honest,  open and trusting. I finally felt like I could just be me and it didn't matter what I had, what I looked like or what hole I had crawled out of.. ( there are days that I look like that.. :) ) We spend most days with each other at some point and beach it on the weekends, but then found Thursdays are a good day to venture out and do the things our kids or spouses don't want to do with us or just don't have the time for.. I live for Thursdays to just hang out with my girls and feel good about myself. I still struggle each day with my body and wearing a swimsuit, ughhhh... but they remind me theres no shame in a little junk in the trunk and that being an amazing mom, friend and wife is far more important that anything physical attribute (body wise or belongings wise)  in the world. They help me live my simple life, (did I mention we no longer use the clothes dryer.. I hang dry everything.. simplicity at it fullest.. Really its just so we can run the air in the summer months cause we live the desert of Oahu and it is always 5-10 degrees warmer at my house they any other spot.. and our electricity bill is 500 a month during those months.. ) tangent... sorry, I needed to rant a little bit.. But in all reality I feel human again, I feel like all things are falling into place and I have friends who understand my daily struggles from my body issues, my poor tummy and horrible digestive issues, my anxiety (that's a tale for another day..) my love/hate relationship with my poor hubby who tries so hard to please me, and the daily struggle with being a good mom.. but even with all that they love and accept me , but most of all support me.. A huge thank you to the  "constant "woman in my life who keep me grounded and keep me sane, but most of all taught me that being just ME is fine.. ! XOXOXO

Fall Break.. Almost!!

Time just seems to fly here. I swear it is the early mornings and beautiful sun that greets us each day, but I may be biased. Kids are at school each morning by 7:30, and when Tatum has Junior police for the week she has to be there at 7! So needless to say our mornings begin a lot earlier here but it seems to make the day longer but quicker, if that makes any sense. Anyways, it dawned on me yesterday that the quarter ends on Friday and the kids have 6 days off of school. They have whats called Fall Break from mon- the following mon. It is crazy to think my kids are done with a full qrter and our friends in OR just started school. It often amazes me that one day it is Monday and before I know it is Friday. Which means we get to see Daddy, given that he works so much here we don't see him before 5 daily and many nights later if T has soccer or he has work to do at home. That all said I am really looking forward to fall break for many reasons.. No schedules, yes... crazy planner girl who thrives on a schedule likes a week here and there with no schedules. We only have dr appts with the kids new pediatricians and that is all I have planned.. Honestly, my plan is to let them sleep in while I go to the gym and to take them to the beach up the street each day.. I think I will so win "best Mommy" award!! But the best part of fall break is that my parents will be getting here on Friday the 5th.. Kids are super excited as are Jon and I. We have not seen them since April.  Since T changed clubs and we ended up not traveling for soccer.. It is a short trip for them this time, only 10 days but we will take what we can get. They will be here to celebrate T's 12th bday.. ( no way I have a 12 yr old!!) We cleaned our back guest house/room for them yesterday and the kids have already made lists of what they want to do with them while they are here.. Between shopping at Ala Moana, hiking Makapuu,  Diamond Head, and some of their favorite restaurants, oh and of course the beach.. they are gonna be tired!! Plus they will have to endure a sleepover with 9 girls for T's party!  That's ok, that is why they, are here.. right! Other than that there is nothing on the horizon here.. Just taking each day for what it is and finally learning to let things go and enjoy the moment.. As most of you know this is a big step for me and very much not how I am wired, but I have realized that I appreciate everything that much more and am I much happier, healthier person then I have been in years!!

What a difference a year makes..

    Ok, I will be the first to say I have been very bad at this whole blog thing.. I love reading all my friends blogs and think i need to take the time to share with family and friends how we are. I was a facebook addict and it was so much easier to load pics there, but so over it all with all the negativity in the political scene and every ones drama.. so I have removed myself from that and I vow to return to blogging.. plus I think it makes me feel better to write down my feelings, a sense of inner release.. That all said... Here goes..

It dawned on me the other day that we have been here almost a year. Jon will be her a year tomorrow and the kids and I in a week or so. That being said so many things have changed. We were excited to move here but yet skeptical. I had never left Oregon and had always had family within reach, this was a big step for me but willing to take it. 6 months into the move things were still up and down with the kids, making friends, and sports.. but I knew that I loved my new environment and the simplicity that my life had become. I loved the fact that my little family of five was finally a "family".. Meaning that we had to face life each day with only ourselves and no other members of our family could help or give there opinions. That may sound terrible and we have always loved that we had our family at a moments notice but never felt that we could be our own family without leaving someone out. Back in Oregon,J on and I used to look at Saturday nights as an escape from the kids and rat race.. our kids hated each other and never wanted to spend time with each other and I was always cold.. Now I can happily say my 3 kids are the best of friends and love to be with each other. Their relationships with each other have grown so much and as a mom I have loved seeing it . As for Jon and I, Saturdays are either filled with sports followed by family dinner , church (when we make it.. we try!! ) and a family movie all cuddled in front of the TV, or spent at the beach with our friends. The thought of those simple things brings joy to my heart.. I cherish every minute of it and have no desire to spend my weekends any other way.
     As for the kids.. Big changes in their lives have made them thrive.. First off, Tatum made the hard decision to leave her club team "Honolulu Bulls" and try out for another. She wasn't happy with her role there and soccer was becoming a chore to her. We sent her home to Portland for 2 weeks and she was able to play with her old team while home and we valued her coach letting us know all was not lost last year and she had learned a lot and was a better player then when she left (which was good to hear cause she was so down on soccer) but his suggestion was to move teams.. So when we got the call to move to another club we jumped. IT was very hard, as we loved the bulls families and girls but knew it was not right for T. She was not thrilled about leaving because she was comfortable but knew it was probably the best thing for her.. Her new coach jumped at the opportunity to get her to play with the new team and had her guest play the weekend after she left the bulls. I was nervous and worried if we had made the right choice but the moment I saw her step on the field with the biggest smile I had seen in months I knew it was right.. She is flourishing and loves practice, her teammates and her new role with this team as a leader.. She is even double rostering with the older team for the fall season. She is a whole new person is every aspect, from friends, soccer and to school to loving life again.. All with one simple change.. she has made 4 really good friends on her new team and has a ton of good friends at school and can officially say she loves living in Hawaii.. which is good cause I am not moving back, ever!! At school she has become very involved and is doing student council, Junior police and testing as we speak for the IB program.. we are very proud of her.

There is the smile we have been missing!!

    As for the boys.. Logan is playing baseball and flag football and loving it. He is really becoming a good little baseball player when it comes to mechanics but we have realized he is just like his momma.. Anxious and mentally unstable on the field at times. He doesn't know how to make a mistake and move on.. as my parents would say " sounds like someone we know! " He was picked up at the end of the season for all star tournament team and we were very proud of him for that.. he worked hard, set a goal and achieved it. He is becoming quite the little short stop and wears the #2 proudly.. I tell him he is my own little Derek Jeter!! As for school he is thriving and academically very sound. He has T's teacher from last year as she moved down a grade.. His 2 BFFS are in another class but he lucked out and his other BFF Jacob (jacob's sister Lauryn is T's BFF and they live across the street) is in his class along with a a new friend from the neighborhood who has quickly become part of their little "gang" as we call it.. They are all very much boys and can be seen running thru the neighborhood daily with nerf guns in tow. Logan also has his first crush and it is adorable to watch. They buy each other ice pops after school and sit and talk with each other, as "the gang" waits for her to be done and head home so they can high five L and walk with us. She is a local girl and not his typical blue eyed/Blondy that he has liked in the past..He too is involved in student council and is looking forward to joing the Junior police next year.. Carson in playing soccer and baseball.. He is quite the little stud on the field.. He is by far the most aggressive and understands the game far beyond those his age. We intend on sticking him in club soccer in the winter but have him playing rec for now to prove he is ready. He loves it and have far exceeded our expectations.. ( must really be watching his sissys game! ) School for him, again exceeding our expectations.. He is almost 3 grade levels ahead in reading and math and has extra work sent home daily.. He and 2 other girls in his class are in a 3rd grade program for reading comprehension.. for the boy who talks way to much in school he is truly a scholar.. He too has a crush on a girl that he has liked since last year, but he is far to shy to talk to her.. she will say"HI" and he will look at the ground and keep walking.. it is adorable. He too has his own little group of friends and they are a good mix of kids..I will say we have lucked out with good friends again..

Jon and I have finally found our groove when it comes to friends and are truly blessed to have such good friends.. and a bonus was when our friends from PDX moved here last month.. we are so happy to finally have people in our life that remind us of Oregon and glad to say we know that Hawaii is HOME! So know that you are all caught up I will post pics and write weekly.. it is my promise to you all and myself.. what else could I be doing? oh, ya... beaching it up!! haha...