a little thank you..

As many of you know I am outgoing enough to hold my own and often liked to be the center of attention.. who me??  But in the past few years that all took a back seat to finding myself and really what I wanted out of life and who I wanted to share that life with.. hard times lead me to see so many negative (and positive)  things in myself, my partner and the company we kept.  From my eating disorder (yes, i said it.. that is what it is..notice I did not say was, since it never really goes away, right? ) to shady people in my life, always being sick and finally finding out I am celiac.. going thru all of that made me who I am today and it really showed me WHO our real friends were and WHAT i wanted in a friendship.. I am blessed to have great friends whom I have not only grown up with, but 3 amazing women who have been my rocks for the last 3 yrs. I could never begin to say Thank you to them and can never imagine my life without them. We may be 3000 plus miles there is never a week, sometimes day I do not hear from them. Having to leave them was the hardest thing for me and I felt like I would never be able to find such wonderful, trusting, no judgement, honest friends like them again.. I think I was so for sure that their was no one out there like them that I was not open to finding new amazing friends. Kinda like when you break up with that amazing boyfriend and you think your life is over and you do nothing but cry and not eat for days because how could you possible go on? ... please tell me that you all get that and it was not just me.. HAHA. I came here open but yet very guarded and rightfully so, that is took me a little while to not only be open to new relationships, but to trust that they liked me for me, just the way that I was.. While being "friendless" not really but not having close friends I found myself buried in my kids and really getting to know them on a different level, but yet I was so not satisfied. I was sad, lonely and missing that connection.. I longed for my never ending, hours long phone calls with Amanda just to feel human.. (thank god it never goes longer than a 2 weeks with some texts in between cause I would die.. ) Then I realized I just needed to be open to people.. I have become a good judge of character and really know what I am looking for.. I sound like I am online dating for friends, right? When in all reality I was hanging out at the gym trying new things and BAM.. I met the 2 most amazing women and I count my blessings everyday. They are real, honest,  open and trusting. I finally felt like I could just be me and it didn't matter what I had, what I looked like or what hole I had crawled out of.. ( there are days that I look like that.. :) ) We spend most days with each other at some point and beach it on the weekends, but then found Thursdays are a good day to venture out and do the things our kids or spouses don't want to do with us or just don't have the time for.. I live for Thursdays to just hang out with my girls and feel good about myself. I still struggle each day with my body and wearing a swimsuit, ughhhh... but they remind me theres no shame in a little junk in the trunk and that being an amazing mom, friend and wife is far more important that anything physical attribute (body wise or belongings wise)  in the world. They help me live my simple life, (did I mention we no longer use the clothes dryer.. I hang dry everything.. simplicity at it fullest.. Really its just so we can run the air in the summer months cause we live the desert of Oahu and it is always 5-10 degrees warmer at my house they any other spot.. and our electricity bill is 500 a month during those months.. ) tangent... sorry, I needed to rant a little bit.. But in all reality I feel human again, I feel like all things are falling into place and I have friends who understand my daily struggles from my body issues, my poor tummy and horrible digestive issues, my anxiety (that's a tale for another day..) my love/hate relationship with my poor hubby who tries so hard to please me, and the daily struggle with being a good mom.. but even with all that they love and accept me , but most of all support me.. A huge thank you to the  "constant "woman in my life who keep me grounded and keep me sane, but most of all taught me that being just ME is fine.. ! XOXOXO