Fall Break.. Almost!!

Time just seems to fly here. I swear it is the early mornings and beautiful sun that greets us each day, but I may be biased. Kids are at school each morning by 7:30, and when Tatum has Junior police for the week she has to be there at 7! So needless to say our mornings begin a lot earlier here but it seems to make the day longer but quicker, if that makes any sense. Anyways, it dawned on me yesterday that the quarter ends on Friday and the kids have 6 days off of school. They have whats called Fall Break from mon- the following mon. It is crazy to think my kids are done with a full qrter and our friends in OR just started school. It often amazes me that one day it is Monday and before I know it is Friday. Which means we get to see Daddy, given that he works so much here we don't see him before 5 daily and many nights later if T has soccer or he has work to do at home. That all said I am really looking forward to fall break for many reasons.. No schedules, yes... crazy planner girl who thrives on a schedule likes a week here and there with no schedules. We only have dr appts with the kids new pediatricians and that is all I have planned.. Honestly, my plan is to let them sleep in while I go to the gym and to take them to the beach up the street each day.. I think I will so win "best Mommy" award!! But the best part of fall break is that my parents will be getting here on Friday the 5th.. Kids are super excited as are Jon and I. We have not seen them since April.  Since T changed clubs and we ended up not traveling for soccer.. It is a short trip for them this time, only 10 days but we will take what we can get. They will be here to celebrate T's 12th bday.. ( no way I have a 12 yr old!!) We cleaned our back guest house/room for them yesterday and the kids have already made lists of what they want to do with them while they are here.. Between shopping at Ala Moana, hiking Makapuu,  Diamond Head, and some of their favorite restaurants, oh and of course the beach.. they are gonna be tired!! Plus they will have to endure a sleepover with 9 girls for T's party!  That's ok, that is why they, are here.. right! Other than that there is nothing on the horizon here.. Just taking each day for what it is and finally learning to let things go and enjoy the moment.. As most of you know this is a big step for me and very much not how I am wired, but I have realized that I appreciate everything that much more and am I much happier, healthier person then I have been in years!!

What a difference a year makes..

    Ok, I will be the first to say I have been very bad at this whole blog thing.. I love reading all my friends blogs and think i need to take the time to share with family and friends how we are. I was a facebook addict and it was so much easier to load pics there, but so over it all with all the negativity in the political scene and every ones drama.. so I have removed myself from that and I vow to return to blogging.. plus I think it makes me feel better to write down my feelings, a sense of inner release.. That all said... Here goes..

It dawned on me the other day that we have been here almost a year. Jon will be her a year tomorrow and the kids and I in a week or so. That being said so many things have changed. We were excited to move here but yet skeptical. I had never left Oregon and had always had family within reach, this was a big step for me but willing to take it. 6 months into the move things were still up and down with the kids, making friends, and sports.. but I knew that I loved my new environment and the simplicity that my life had become. I loved the fact that my little family of five was finally a "family".. Meaning that we had to face life each day with only ourselves and no other members of our family could help or give there opinions. That may sound terrible and we have always loved that we had our family at a moments notice but never felt that we could be our own family without leaving someone out. Back in Oregon,J on and I used to look at Saturday nights as an escape from the kids and rat race.. our kids hated each other and never wanted to spend time with each other and I was always cold.. Now I can happily say my 3 kids are the best of friends and love to be with each other. Their relationships with each other have grown so much and as a mom I have loved seeing it . As for Jon and I, Saturdays are either filled with sports followed by family dinner , church (when we make it.. we try!! ) and a family movie all cuddled in front of the TV, or spent at the beach with our friends. The thought of those simple things brings joy to my heart.. I cherish every minute of it and have no desire to spend my weekends any other way.
     As for the kids.. Big changes in their lives have made them thrive.. First off, Tatum made the hard decision to leave her club team "Honolulu Bulls" and try out for another. She wasn't happy with her role there and soccer was becoming a chore to her. We sent her home to Portland for 2 weeks and she was able to play with her old team while home and we valued her coach letting us know all was not lost last year and she had learned a lot and was a better player then when she left (which was good to hear cause she was so down on soccer) but his suggestion was to move teams.. So when we got the call to move to another club we jumped. IT was very hard, as we loved the bulls families and girls but knew it was not right for T. She was not thrilled about leaving because she was comfortable but knew it was probably the best thing for her.. Her new coach jumped at the opportunity to get her to play with the new team and had her guest play the weekend after she left the bulls. I was nervous and worried if we had made the right choice but the moment I saw her step on the field with the biggest smile I had seen in months I knew it was right.. She is flourishing and loves practice, her teammates and her new role with this team as a leader.. She is even double rostering with the older team for the fall season. She is a whole new person is every aspect, from friends, soccer and to school to loving life again.. All with one simple change.. she has made 4 really good friends on her new team and has a ton of good friends at school and can officially say she loves living in Hawaii.. which is good cause I am not moving back, ever!! At school she has become very involved and is doing student council, Junior police and testing as we speak for the IB program.. we are very proud of her.

There is the smile we have been missing!!

    As for the boys.. Logan is playing baseball and flag football and loving it. He is really becoming a good little baseball player when it comes to mechanics but we have realized he is just like his momma.. Anxious and mentally unstable on the field at times. He doesn't know how to make a mistake and move on.. as my parents would say " sounds like someone we know! " He was picked up at the end of the season for all star tournament team and we were very proud of him for that.. he worked hard, set a goal and achieved it. He is becoming quite the little short stop and wears the #2 proudly.. I tell him he is my own little Derek Jeter!! As for school he is thriving and academically very sound. He has T's teacher from last year as she moved down a grade.. His 2 BFFS are in another class but he lucked out and his other BFF Jacob (jacob's sister Lauryn is T's BFF and they live across the street) is in his class along with a a new friend from the neighborhood who has quickly become part of their little "gang" as we call it.. They are all very much boys and can be seen running thru the neighborhood daily with nerf guns in tow. Logan also has his first crush and it is adorable to watch. They buy each other ice pops after school and sit and talk with each other, as "the gang" waits for her to be done and head home so they can high five L and walk with us. She is a local girl and not his typical blue eyed/Blondy that he has liked in the past..He too is involved in student council and is looking forward to joing the Junior police next year.. Carson in playing soccer and baseball.. He is quite the little stud on the field.. He is by far the most aggressive and understands the game far beyond those his age. We intend on sticking him in club soccer in the winter but have him playing rec for now to prove he is ready. He loves it and have far exceeded our expectations.. ( must really be watching his sissys game! ) School for him, again exceeding our expectations.. He is almost 3 grade levels ahead in reading and math and has extra work sent home daily.. He and 2 other girls in his class are in a 3rd grade program for reading comprehension.. for the boy who talks way to much in school he is truly a scholar.. He too has a crush on a girl that he has liked since last year, but he is far to shy to talk to her.. she will say"HI" and he will look at the ground and keep walking.. it is adorable. He too has his own little group of friends and they are a good mix of kids..I will say we have lucked out with good friends again..

Jon and I have finally found our groove when it comes to friends and are truly blessed to have such good friends.. and a bonus was when our friends from PDX moved here last month.. we are so happy to finally have people in our life that remind us of Oregon and glad to say we know that Hawaii is HOME! So know that you are all caught up I will post pics and write weekly.. it is my promise to you all and myself.. what else could I be doing? oh, ya... beaching it up!! haha...

Back to Normal

Well, we are now 4 mths into our journey and I think it is safe to say we have hit our normal.. We definitely have our routines down and things are all falling into place. We have great friends and our kids have made some amazing friends and all in all we are very happy. Kids are all involved in something and it is keeping us busy like it did at home. The boys are playing baseball and are finishing up training season and about to start regular season. Jon is coaching them both with Carson playing up one level so that both boys are on the same team. Jon has never coached the boys and I believe that it is a wee bit challenging for him. The fact that "boys will be boys" and they have no attention span at this age it a mystery to him.. He keeps saying  "but Tatum and her team" referring to the softball girls he had coached since kindergarten.. I have to remind him that girls and boys are very different at this age and girls tend to listen and do where as boys may listen, may do.. but it will last for 10 mins and then their minds wander. It is killing him, but he is slowly understanding the mind of a 6,7,8, and 9 yr old boys.. not sure why he dosen;t get it since it is not much different from his attention span! :) Now, I think he is also struggling with the issue of his high expectations when it comes to baseball. I went thru this last year coaching T in basketball and it was hard for me given bball was my first love.. Since Jon was so successful in baseball I think he has expectations that are beyond the grasp of a little boy and because he seems to think he had this love, desire and discipline for the game at age 8 that our boys should too.. I think he is a little off and thinking he was more 11, 12 when all that came into play and remind him our boys are KIDS and when they fall in love with the game it will happen, but for now it needs to be fun. Easier said then done, right?
Now as for our little princess.. we have been on a rollarcoaster with her since we got here. she has settled in great at school, with friends and all in all she was doing well.. Soccer was more of a going thru the motions as she was intimated by the situation. She is the new girl on the block coming into a team that has been together for years and she was struggling with finding her place and role. She came from a spot where she was "queen bee" and she was praised for most that she did.. This is very different here.. not only is the game different but she is no longer top dog.. what a blow to her ego! We have reminded her that she is not the best player ( but could be.. ) but by far not the worst.. she just needed to assert herself and play the game without being intimidated. I will give her this.. they are playing a year up (2 yrs now for spring.. yikes) and the girls are big and fast, but she is capable if she puts her mind to it. That being said she was playing great one weekend and terrible another.. Jon and I were so frustrated, as one week she would play well and play alot, then the next it was back in the tank. We encouraged her to just go play like she loves the game and we were worried she was becoming disenchanted. We told her that we may have to move her as this team is expensive and the commute is long.. she understood, but was not willing to accept it.. that's all it took.. she went out the last 2 weeks and played great.. this weekend it finally clicked and she played so well. She was given many opportunities to shine and she did! She played, hard, fast and very aggressive and we Saw a glimpse of the old Tatum! We had countless parents not only from our team but from the other "bulls" teams comment on her speed and how great she was playing..  Then Monday rolled around and during the semifinals she played a fair amount in the first half, but didn't step on the field in the second. Now with this team in the past it would not have bothered her, (it happened over thanksgiving tournament, as her coach was trying to piss her off and she didn't care..)  at "home" she would have been furious.. When we got back to our team tent I could tell she was off a bit. she didn't really want to socialize and she even asked to go home. I pulled her aside and asked what was wrong.. her answer.."Im so pissed that i didn't get to play in the second half! " AMEN.. she cared, she was mad, her desire to play was finally stronger than just the desire to be a part of the team! Now, when I say mad.. i should say furious, angry.. I was proud of her for feeling that way. She was finally getting her fight back in her. I told her it was good to be mad and that she needed to ask her coach why she didn't play if it bothered her..She gave me a hug and then was pulled off to go hang out with some of the girls. As a mom I was so happy to see my child get her spirit back even thought I was sad for her. But she learned a big lesson over the last four months and hopefully it is all sinking in..
Now as for J and I.. we are both doing really well. We love it here and have made the comment more than once, unless something major happens we cannot see ourselves leaving. Our family is so close, we spend so much time outside and enjoy the sun and fresh air. Things are so laid back and we have become a little less stressed and slowed our life a tad. My anxiety is slowly going away and I feel free and happy here..

New Gym.. New Outlook?

Ok... so for all of you who know us.. The gym has always been our second home, if not first! For all of you who know me.. that has created many demons, monsters, rollarcoasters, drama.. so on and so forth! Since arriving here in paradise I have tried very hard to live life and not "worry" so much about the "gym" or my physical appearance, as that is not what is important to many here or really in life..(easier said than done!) I've always known that Clubsport was a downfall for me, us, our family in so many ways.. but on the other hand it created some very good things for us as well. So taking that all in stride we really didn't join a gym here.. we run outside, we walk everywhere, ride our bikes, Jon got me a trainer for my bike, weights at home and p90x.. as much as I was enjoying myself I missed the social aspect of going to the gym.. the classes and just the interaction. Jon is part of a lawyers league at the YWCA in town and plays bball daily, but wasn't finding the time to lift. That all said he came home last week and surprised our family with a "field trip" per say. We had driven past the place up the street several times and wondered what it was.. it looked like a big church, or some sort of school. When we arrived there he announced that it was a new gym that was opening within the week and we were going on a tour.. The kids were already sold from seeing the outside.. 2 huge water slides like you would see at a water park and a large kid area that had the sprinklers, bucket that dumped water, slides and bball in the water. We toured what is called the KROC center and it was/is amazing. A mini clubsport per say. A large gym with 3 courts, full workout facility, a dynamic training area,  2 aerobic rooms for classes, a lap pool outside with at least 12 lanes, the water slides, a lazy river, a pool just for water aerobic classes, and the kids area.. Plus... a cafe, art studio for kids, computer lab for kids, performing arts programming for the kids and a Worship center.. There was nothing more to want, need or ask for.. it is gorgeous and so inexpensive.. $100 for a family of 5!! Beats the 215 I was paying at CS.. Anyways, I was sold and we signed up at that very moment. Jon and I have been everyday since it opened and it is so nice to be able to do my run outside and head up there for weights and a swim.. The kids love the pools, even though Carson is to short for the slides. They all made friends there last week while swimming and that is exactly what we wanted for them.. Well, the boys made friends, T was with her BFF Lauryn and they stuck to them each others sides! Jon and I sat back and watched the kids play and enjoy themselves and realized that this is what we loved from clubsport.. these were the moments we remembered and appreciated there. Not the times were we got ourselves so obsessed with looking a certain way that the gym became about being unhealthy and a job vs. healthy and fun! So my new outlook with our new "home" is to enjoy it, use it for the purpose of being healthy and remember that we all have our hang ups and we all struggle with something.. We are not all perfect and being a certain size will not make me funnier, happier, or prettier.. But being healthy, happy and enjoyable to be around will make me those things and more!

Kids love this area.. 

it's dark, but you can see the slides in back and beginning of lazy river

Courtyard area.. its in between the bball courts and the pools

Blessed..

We often forget how lucky we are to have healthy, happy, well adjusted.. (ok, so not everday.. but most! :) ) kids.. We are truly blessed to have kids whom are social, academic, competitive kids who are able to adapt to many new and overwhelming situations. I have mentioned before how hard the move was on J and I, and how brave our children have been, well this week the proof was given to us.. Monday there was as an all school assembly to hand out academic awards to those that achieved "exceeding" grade level grades.. To my suprise and many others (Amanda) all 3 of my children received awards.. The biggest shocker was that Carson was top dog.. followed close by T and then Logan. Carson and Tatum both recieved the "Principal's List" award meaning they were exceeding in both math and reading, and the top 3 in their class. Logan recieved a literature award and just missed the award for math, per his teacher. Math is very different here and they are further ahead then we were on the mainland, so he is playing a little catch up but it hitting his stride and really enjoying the math now.. It was so refreshing to see that my kids were doing so well and had settled into their new school. The assembly also recognized the school basketball teams for the boys and girls. They handed out 2 awards for both teams, one of hustle and the other being MVP.. When they mentioned MVP.. the crowd all chanted "Tatum" it was really neat being that she has only been their 3 months.. and then her name was announced for MVP and everyone cheered. She was surprised and a little caught of guard but loved the recognition. So all in all a great morning for our kids and proof that we haven't ruined thier lives by moving them! :) Sadly, our day took a turn for the worst.. shortly after the assemebly I recieved terrible news that Tatum's friend from home had passed away. She had been fighting cancer for almost 2 yrs and lost her battle. I knew T would not take the news well and didn't even know how to tell her. Tina and T had been friends since 1st grade.. sat on the bus together, played together and sang all the time.. T did not have the relationship with her like Taylor and Jessie but they were still really close. T loved her and considered her a close friend. I had the worst job of breaking my sweet childs heart. It was terrible.. I put it out there as delicate as I could and watched her heart slowly break as the tears ran down her face and the hysterical crying began. I felt powerless and lost. I had no idea what to do or say in that moment other than I loved her. She layed in my lap and cried for what felt like forever then asked to be alone. I gave her the space she needed and knew when she was ready she would come to us. She is so lucky to have 3 amazing BFF's.. Lauryn came over to cheer her up and T really didn't say much but her presence helped cheer T up. Then Jessie and T skyped and again a little smile came to her face..But by bedtime she was sad again. I reminded her it was ok to be sad and that she could cry or be upset whenever she wanted. I reminded her how short and unfair life can be and that we had to sieze all of our opportunities just like Tina did. Tina was a brave, strong and giving child, whom left us far to soon, but reminded us how life should be lived. I asked T what she learned from Tina, if anything.. she told me.. " to live each day just like you want to, take advantage of all the chances you are given, always have smile and to be lucky that I have family and friends who care and love me.. Lesson learned. Tina has given my child the next best gift to her friendship.. and glimpse of how to live her life to the fullest. Tina has Blessed our family and will always be in our heart and we will do our best to live each day to the fullest!

Double standards..

Ok.. this post seems to have come out of left field, but in sitting at Tatum's basketball tournament today Jon looked around this HS gym and noticed a few things.. First was that "the after school basketball team was a great program and opportunity for many, but it was horrible basketball and painful to watch! :) But his second comment hit home.. "Look at everyone's shoes, T included.. " I thought to myself what about it? " Nobody has super nice , expensive basketball shoes" I followed with " many cannot afford it. He then reminded me.." Yes, your right, but many CAN afford it and chose not to spend the money cause  NO BODY cares! That's right, no body cares if your shoes say, Nike, Adidas, or no name at all. They are mearly shoes to get you from point A to point B.. nothing else... He then said " at home everyone would have on an expensive pair of flashy shoes to say "here I am ", but not here..  So as we continue on "our" journey to not only make Hawaii home but to really find ourselves as a family I have taken time to sit back and really look at myself, Jon and our children. For us we are still stuck in the world of the unknown. It is very much a culture shock for us and the kids in so many way. I look at life on the mainland with wide open eyes now. Mainland has so many opportunities for children, if you want to pay for it. Mainland has amazing schools ( Mary Woodward will forever hold a special place in our hearts!)  but isn't school what your child and family makes of it? Appearance and social status means so much on the mainland to many, and I will be the first to admit we too were caught up in this! But why? Why does the Mainland put so much emphasis on money? I will freely admit that we like nice stuff, (still do, but we'll get to that) nice cars, eating out, so on and so forth..but why? what does it all mean in the end? One of the reasons we chose to leave was that our children were getting caught up in all of these and we were very much to blame. We wanted to give our kids the best of everything but were not seeing the ultimate disaster is was becoming. Always asking for something, always wanting more, and yes, saying "thank you" but did they really mean it? When we moved it was very liberating. Yes, we live in a very nice community but most here have nice homes and that is it. And in all reality no one cares! that's right, no one cares.. Yes, there are still your "Joneses" but very few and far between. Kids here wear uniforms, no one cares if your Tshirt says Abercrombie or its from goodwill, many are just happy to have a clean shirt ,and if you are my boys, shirts are overrated and seldom worn. Many sports here are free and we still have after school sports in the schools. Sports are more about the basics at the young age versus winning and losing, or who can have the best jerseys, shoes equipment because they can afford it. It is about the pure fact that these kids have a strong desire to play no matter what, even if there shoes are 3 sizes to small or their field has grass as high as their knees.. They just want to learn the game and be successful. For them it's not about who scores, but who made the awesome pass. Its about the "Team" and how blessed they are to be apart of it. Yes, you still have some programs like our soccer team that you shell out tons of money for, but we fundraise as well and it's not just a team, its a family. Jon and I both will tell you we have always pushed our children because we saw potential, but here.. everyone has potential. They all have this animal instinct to "want it". That was very different for us, especially with T as she has always been blessed with altheltism but now it is coming down to the basics and really the four "D's" as my grandfather taught me.. Determination, dedication, desire and discipline. Kids on the mainland have a few and many have all, but here everyone lives and breathes those 4 words in "life" not just sports. Sports are not just not about "I" here there are definitely a "we"!
At home for a long time I felt that  your social status had so much do with your appearance, your home, and cars. What restaurant you ate on Saturday night and what jeans you wore. Over the last 2 yrs I can say that I changed that thinking, largely because we finally fell into what I would call "real friendships" that taught us alot. But if I am being honest, my appearance and ( lord help me, ) my jeans still made me feel special. How terrible is that, what lesson am I teaching my kids? Nothing.. that's right nothing! Being here has not only shown me what I have always known, but never seem to practice ... Money means nothing and will not give you happiness! Money can buy you all the coaching, fancy shoes, jeans and so on, but if you don't appreciate the opportunity or are willing to fulling give it your all you will fail.  Politics and money do not buy your way here!
Being here in Hawaii has shown us the double standards we have been caught up in on the mainland. It is refreshing to take a step back and look at who we were vs who we have become in such a short time. Now, I am not saying that we have completely changed our views more so realized what is and what isn't important. I still love me my Lululemon, but know that I don;t have to go there weekly to be happy. Jon and I may have a strong desire for a date night, but we can have a date night at home and make it just as fun as going out to a nice restaurant. We both realize that being healthy and looking healthy is  more important than wearing a certain size or seeing every bone or vein in our body, I said "realize" we both are working on achieving this "goal" liking who we are! Being in an environment were people genuinely could care less what you wear, have or look like has been very welcoming and healing for us and reminded us that this is what we wanted to prove not only to ourselves but our children. We felt we had this in our close circle of friends but not in society as a whole.  Money can give you lots of "stuff" and buy you a "look" , but that's all it is! Stuff.. it brings nothing to the table in terms of who you are as a person or what you can bring to a relationship. Money comes and goes but "you" as a person and what you truly represent will always remain.

it's all a big change..

When you move you are always worried about everything but yourself or your spouse! We are now finally settling in and things are becoming routine.. school, soccer, kids friends knocking at 8 am on a Saturday morning, movie nights with the neighborhood kids, and on and on.. Notice a pattern? We were so concerned about getting the kids settled and making the move as smooth as possible for them that we forgot about ourselves! The kids can now saw they love it here and things are on the up and up, (really what's not to love!?) hmm, as I type that I ask myself that very question.. and the only thing that comes to mind is my friends and family are not here. Jon and I had an in depth talk the other night over our decisions and choices thus far in our life. He looked at me and asked me " Did we make the right decision?" I was very caught off guard by this question and it got my mind wandering. For me it was never really a question of whether to move or not. Jon was presented with an amazing opportunity that we could just not pass up, and as a wife who is blessed to not have to work, I just needed to support that decision. Now, if he would have told me we were moving to Alaska, i think i would have passed! :) That all said he has never wavered or questioned our choice, until he threw those words out to me! It really made me think, and to be honest I was worried and sad. I feel apart, Thank god Susie was there to pick me right up and remind me change is good and things take time! I worried, as I am known to do and finally went back to him and asked " do u think we made the wrong choice?" After some real soul searching and realization we came to the answer... NO! The holidays were hard with no family here to celebrate and a bit of jealousy that our family was all together at home. Then New Years rolled around and while we had a fantastic time, we missed our BFF's at home. (their facetime chat didn't help..:( )  I know how hard it has been for me to to not spend a weekend with The Liles , Thede's or even the Geske's but never realized how hard it has been for Jon as well. He is off working everyday, Long days, sometimes up to 10 hrs with his commute, no time to make friends or meet people, and while I appreciate this I just assumed this move wasn't bothering him. Never assume, right? He loves his job, loves or new friends, loves our area, but he is missing "his" friends and family. I felt so bad to never really think to ask about things other than work. That all said it reminded me we often are so busy taking care of children and their feelings we forget about ourselves or spouses. Change is change and it affects us all, I've realized I need to step back and take my focus off the kids per say and now on "US"! My goal for the year is to be more positive in life, something that is very difficult for me, and to build and maintain lasting, loving relationships with those that deserve it!

I saw this quote today and felt it was very fitting!

Life is too short to wake up in the morning
                           with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right
and forget about the ones who don't.
                           And believe
that everything happens for a reason...
                           if you get a chance-take it;
                           if it changes your life- let it.
Nobody said that it would be easy...
                           They just promised
                           it would be worth it..